Is Rejection a Bad Thing?
Do you remember when we were children and there was
something we wanted?
That nice shiny thing under the TV perhaps? “No!” yelled
dad.
You toddled into the kitchen. The oven was on. Whatever was
inside smelled gooood. You reached toward it. “No!” screamed mom.
Ah, the days when we never took rejection to heart. On some
occasions we’d stick our bottom lip out. Other times we’d throw a tantrum. But
we never let it get us down. If anything, we probably became even more
determined to get our own way.
As writers, we can learn a lot from our respective
childhoods, because somewhere along the way, we allowed words and letters to
affect us. Our developing maturity somehow severed our ability to bounce back
from criticism without getting scarred.
But how much of an “I can’t be bothered” attitude should we
strive to recover?
I read an interesting article recently by Jason Comely. It’s
based on the premise that rejection – under certain circumstances – can be good
for you. Remember, each of us is an individual, uniquely disciplined to handle
certain situations in our own way. The older we get the more emotional baggage
we tend to collect. How heavy we let that excess become...well, that’s up to us, isn't it?
Jason called his premise: Rejection Therapy.
How does it work?
Here are a few principles.
Here are a few principles.
1.
Actively
seeking rejection can help you fear it less.
He suggests that rather than becoming
bogged down and overwhelmed by being told; “No!” think of them as a target. So,
the more rejections you manage to accrue, the more successful you are.
How can this be good for you? It trains
your mind to think differently.
Gradually, you tend to stop thinking of the rejections as a hurdle, and more as
a door of opportunity.
Seeing the possibility stimulates you to work
harder, reach out more, and you lose the fear of hearing or seeing that
rejection. Yes, it has the power to make you fearless.
Interesting.
2.
You
are motivated to try harder.
Once you stop feeling so sensitive, a natural
inclination to work harder kicks in. Fear of rejection is replaced by
determination to succeed. It becomes a stimulus toward motivation. To carry on
regardless of what others may think or do.
So, what consequence might we see?
So, what consequence might we see?
3.
That
determination spills over into other areas of your life.
If you think about the way life really is,
it’s full of rejection. The choice of film you might like to see when you go
out. The actual meal your loved one serves at the end of a hard day. Where you
all end up on a night out with friends. How much input you contribute to a
group discussion when the team “chatterbox” likes to dominate. Even getting
someone you really like to go out on a date with you. Rejection is everywhere.
And think about it. Have you ever noticed
how thick-skinned people appear to be a lot happier with life? People are
attracted to them more, as they don’t throw a Scarlet O’Hara when they don’t
get their own way. There’s a lesson there for all of us.
4.
Taking
that risk becomes easier.
It’s true to say, the more we become
accustomed to doing something, the easier it is.
Have you ever met someone who has complete
conviction in their work? But, because they’re so afraid of the concept of
rejection, they never put a great idea forward? I’m sure we all have. That’s
why is such a good idea to actively seek rejection. The fear of taking a risk
in the first place won’t hold you back, and life will be much less stressful.
5.
You
start to see the bigger picture.
Jason’s therapy regime doesn’t advocate you
don’t need to heed criticism at all. As I found out when I became a writer,
some criticism can be constructive. It allows you to open your mind, be honest
with yourself, and accept that...“Oh yes, what I did there was rather
awful/didn’t make sense/needs to be reworked”, etc, etc.
You start to look at things from a
different angle. You don’t take it personally. You stay positive, and use the
rejection as something to build on and help fine-tune your future efforts.
Basically, by taking the chance early on to set yourself up for a big “No!” –
You avoid major disappointments later, when it counts, and use the experience
to focus your efforts.
Don’t forget, in many instances –
especially in the publishing world – the rejection itself may not be about you,
but more about the setting/situation of the person/company who rejected your
idea or work.
So there you go. I really enjoyed some of Jason’s thoughts,
and I’m sure you will too. How often have we ourselves written to a certain
magazine, ezine, etc, with an item/piece of work that makes our chest burst
with pride, only to have it rejected, because it didn’t fit with their current theme? Remember, Jason’s view helps us
realize...In many instances, they say “No” - not because your work is bad, but
because it isn’t suitable for the mood they want to capture.
I’ve noticed this is especially true with poetry publishers,
who cycle their ‘themes’ much more frequently than fiction houses. It helped me
appreciate how much you need to do your homework beforehand, to ensure you
target your work toward the right publisher.
As we enter 2014, why not some of these thoughts into
practice, and see how it helps you realize...
YES, this year will be even better than the last.
